I’ve spent the last few days feeling somewhat sorry for myself and a bit lost. I’m 37 years old and have no clue what I’m doing with my life. If I’m not careful the next ten years will fly by and I will still be in exactly the same place, doing the same thing, juggling everything…..
Don’t get me wrong, I love my life, I love my kids, my hubby, our house (to a certain degree! That’s another blog in itself!) I kind of love my job (again , another blog!) I am fully aware that I am SO lucky and yet I feel like I don’t know who I am….
This sounds ridiculous really doesn’t it? I have all of those things, I have a wonderful loving husband, two beautiful, smart and healthy children, we own out own house, we live a stunning part of the country, I have a loving family: parents/sisters and I have a good job so why do I feel that something is missing?
Whilst juggling all of these things over the past few years, combining two lots of shift working, childcare, cooking, cleaning and so on I seem to have forgotten me. I now find that the kids have both started school and I have some free time at last BUT I don’t know what to do with myself! This is crazy! I have been waiting for this for the last 6 months, craving some ‘me’ time, now I finally have it I don’t know what to do!
I have NO friends…… I have never been one to socialise well, I find that I am awkward in small social groups and have never been able to maintain close friendships. Hubby and I say that we are both anti-social and grumpy which was funny but now I’m not so sure. I know lots of people of course and to a certain degree we are friends but are they the people I would call on in an emergency, invite over for a glass of wine when hubby is at work, plan holidays with, meet for a coffee and a chat? I have nobody like that and it’s making me sad…
I have no hobbies of my own, the kids have their clubs and activities, hubby has got into his cycling and we have the dog of course but nothing that I can do for myself. Whats makes it difficult are our shifts. We are both ‘Police’ with opposing shifts so one of us is generally at work in the evening whilst the other is at home and when we do both have a night of together it is on different days of the week! This all makes it difficult to commit to anything like a group or a course doesn’t it? Am I just making excuses??
And so I could go on and on… my work have got stuck in a rut and I need a new challenge, I cook the same things ALL the time and we need to get creative in the kitchen!, I don’t get my hair cut often enough and need a re-vamp!
Please tell me I am NOT the only one feeling like this?
SO this is how the BLOG has come about. I am going to use it motivate myself in ALL aspects of my life whilst also appreciating what an amazing life I already have, it just needs a little tweaking places! If I can help anyone else in the process then even better.
Next up, I reckon I need to start with plan of action: who is with me!?